| gone |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|03:41 am] |
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I'm disappearing... right... now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|12:31 am] |
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I think this will do for disappearing:
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| T minus 5 days |
[Jul. 3rd, 2004|05:28 pm] |
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to dropping off the face of the earth. Somewhere exotic, maybe? |
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| Dropping off the face of the earth... |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|05:25 am] |
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So I'm thinking that mid july will be a good time to just disappear. Poof. I'll be gone. Don't know where to, but Poof and I'll be there. Gone from all of this. I'll escape from being alone. |
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| God Damn Pastries |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|03:36 am] |
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That cherry turnover was more dangerous than it was appetizing |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2004|06:04 pm] |
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You see, I don’t believe in ESP or ghosts or twins who can communicate telepathically. I don’t watch the “X-Files” or read the “Fortean Times.” I am a skeptic. Except when it comes to aliens. I don’t screw around with that shit. Anyways, there is a sign above the tub enumerating the rules for its use. Rule number 5: DO NOT USE HOT TUB IF YOU ARE MENSTRUATING. This rule offends me, for some reason.
~ Don Blum, drummer, The Von Bondies
I've come to enjoy reading The Von Bondies LiveJournal. Don writes most of the entries and I enjoy his observations and humor. Maybe I'll turn this xanga into something more interesting.
Shit, this is what I always wanted to do with my life when I was in middle school. Inciting a riot? Those are some hardcore 12-year-olds.
hmm... a popup add for "MEGA Cock Cravers." The only website I've been to today is CNN... something awful is afoot... I'll spare you all the link.
ok, here it is, Bobby's First "Cutest Girl in my Music World" poll. Let's see who y'all will pick:
Sharin Foo, Bassist, The Raveonettes:
  
Meg White, Drummer, The White Stripes:
  
Marcie Bolen, Guitarist, The Von Bondies:
  
To vote just leave me a comment.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|02:40 am] |
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ok, first of all, i'm lucky to be alive. and not in one of those melodramatic "i almost died" kinda ways. i was in a car accident. after the accident a truck came around a blind curve, the driver had been smoking pot, of course, and almost hit the cop's car. I was at the cop car and had to dive out of the way. i got up to see the truck headed for my parents, the guy who hit me and his wife and the state patrolman. they scattered, but the cop ended up going the same way as the truck. he ran up an embankment with the truck right behind him. I saw the truck jump up the embankment and I saw the cop's face and torso. i thought he had been crushed. somehow, he was not hurt badly. the truck barely missed him. actually it didn't miss him. the tire took his shoe off. of course your intrepid reporter had his camera with him to document the scene.
 My mom's car after the accident. I swerved off the road trying to get out of the guy's way. the damage isn't that bad at all. I got jostled around pretty good though.
 The other guy's car. He didn't get it very bad either. We were both very lucky until the white truck came along.
 ok, here is the "white truck" as i will no doubt be referring to it for a good while. note the skid marks next to the cop car. I was standing in front of the car when it came through. The white truck was only 18 inches away from the back of the police car. also note that the truck had a huge trailer full of lawn equipment attached to it.
 officer thomas contemplates almost getting squashed by the white truck.
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| Why? |
[May. 12th, 2004|08:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have to Love | ] |
Why when I have every reason to be happy do I feel so depressed? I wish I had some philosphical answer or some deep insight, but I don't. I just got a job. I know and love some very wonderful people. But inside I feel dead. I'm depressed and lonely and I hate every minute of it. I want to smile and be that laughing peppy guy I am, but I feel too bad to let him out. I just want to leave and live on a beach somewhere and not have to worry about the world and war and hate and everything that I despise of humanity. I want to think that God leads people, but I lose more faith every day. I see it all falling into chaos. How can we be so horrible and be made in God's image? Is this a faultering point of us or of him? Is he as bad as we are? or are we just too far gone? Is HE even there? maybe the guys can help cheer me up tonight. We'll hope.
Don't punch your porch. It hurts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|07:42 pm] |
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home |
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| Workin' for the clampdown |
[Apr. 14th, 2004|10:44 pm] |
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So today I should have been incrediably happy. The great news was to come today. Yours truly, photo-editor of a prestigious college yearbook. I got slapped in the face. I'm the assistant photo-editor. They placed our current editor over me. When he graduates first semester I will take over. I know this is probably just shitty of me, but I had such hopes for this. He didn't even apply. They just put him there. Kind of an ego killer. But it'll be a good experience anyway. I won't get paid, again, but it'll be good. |
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| The topic completely devoted to Sarah, who rocks. |
[Apr. 14th, 2004|04:27 am] |
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Today was great and I have Sarah to thank for it. We puddle jumped in the creek by the mill, drove around talking, and stayed up until 4 a.m. in the Clara lobby watching Donnie Darko and talking about everything. Sarah, you're the coolest woman I know. I love how you don't have a filter when you speak. You think that makes you sound dumb. I think it makes you original and hilarious. Your smile brightens up a room and your laugh makes my heart light. Thanks for such a great night and for being such a great friend. |
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| ...and be your right-hand man 'till your hands grow cold... |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|12:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The White Stripes - "Hypnotize" | ] |
hmmm... I've decided that I'm looking for a soul-mate/kindred spirit. Platonic or Romantic, either way. Submit applications in writing to me in the bookstore at Berry College. Deadline is one week.
And a good day to you all, invisible people reading my journal! :) |
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| You know what really fucking sucks? |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|11:45 pm] |
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Looking forward to things and then they don't happen. Not that anyone is planning against you or anything, just that you really get excited about something, get all cleaned up and are just anticipating some great fun and then... you get sunk. It hurts just a tad bit. |
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| The theme from Close Encounters of the Third Kind rocks my world... |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|12:26 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels | ] |
Ok, so that whole sad eyes thing really seems like sleep deprived bullshit after the kickass day I had. Got to go to the guitar store with Sarah and then dinner. My guitar is so fucking badass right now. I got a red strap (at Sarah's request) and a new amp cable. It is so nive to hear that electic hiss.... pure sweetness. Then I went to my group meeting. My partners, all girls of course, were really neat and interesting. We have to come up with a religion and then present it to our Religions class. We are gonna rock. Then we talked about the report we have to give to class on some aspect of Christianity. We are going to do the homosexuality/gay marriage debate. Of course me and Jenny (the crazy liberal Brit) were the two "umm... and the whole gay thing is an issue why?" people. Blame it on the bleeding heart liberalism, or the lax religious background, but it seems that the love, compassion and non judgement angle of christianity was what Jesus wanted us to focus on. Maybe when we can get even kinda close to perfecting that, we can move to the small shit like who you can and can't have sex with. But I won't rant anymore :) Goodnight and god bless. |
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| existential sadness |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|01:57 am] |
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I was washing my face just before I sat down to write this, just before a much needed and I hope deserved respite from the world and all its slings and snares, I was washing my face and I looked up and I saw a person there. What I noticed were the eyes. They were clear and blue, but they were so deep and sad. I have very sad eyes. Worn out. Clear, but no sparkle, no... something. Something ineffable. I don't know. I flashed a smile at myself. There wasn't a spark in those eyes. The face read happy. The dimples, the teeth coming from behind the lips. I looked happy. But when I looked back at those eyes it was sadness. It frightened me. I don't think that I am sad, really. Things are tough to sort out right now: becca, dad's alzheimers, grandpa, mom's job... all those things, but for me so many things are going well. I have things that I look forward to each day and I haven't had that in a long time. Photography, if I can just have a camera I feel whole and I get a sense of meaning. I have a great new friend in Sarah and she makes me laugh and smile in a way no one else does. She says she's there for me, and a lot of the time I wouldn't believe someone, or trust them to hold to that, but I do trust Sarah. But it is very late and me and my sad eyes need sleep. at 2 a.m. we will have been up for 36 hours exactly. goodnite and god bless. |
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| It's close enough for government work... |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|03:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash | ] |
Today has been very bipolar, bipolar II to be exact. I had such a great time with the guys last night. It was fun to drive around and get lost with Wulf and Alan. I was up for over 24 hours between Friday and Saturday! I had such a nice drive back to Berry. The sun was rising and I was driving through the country and it was so green and beautiful and the sun gave such an amber quality to everything. Just breathtaking.
But this weekend has also been depressing. I lost a friend this weekend. I just can't be Becca's friend anymore. It hurts too much. She has been so irresponsible as of late. She's fooling around with guys who are taken and she's fooling around with my friends and I can't handle it anymore. The thing that makes this hurt so much is that I still love her. Not "love," but love. She's been like family, but we just can't handle each other anymore. It's sad, and I've had a hard night because of it. I'm finding life so much harder here. I have no one close to me anymore. No one I can just sit down alone with and hang out and talk to. Becca was that, but she's been gone for a year in that capacity. It's tough to completely let her go, but we're hurting each other too much with our decisions. I just want to talk sometimes to someone who sort of understands me. But it's late and I need to sleep on all this. |
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| Please, make it stop hurting |
[Mar. 25th, 2004|09:31 pm] |
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yeah, so I did the math and it turns out I ingested 9,700 milligrams of acetiometophen last night when I decided to drink the entire bottle of nyquil, because, damnit, I was hurting and couldn't sleep. So now my heart is still beating a mile a second and I'm shaking and wobbling and my stomach, which has been giving me trouble all week, is burning like the pit of hell. Yeah, so I didn't think nyquil would have a pain killer in it seeing as you aren't suppossed to mix painkillers and alcohol. Imagine my suprise when I read the bottle and found the horrible truth. I figured it was a decongestant and some alcohol to put you to bed. The more the merrier, right? Pity on the soul who treads where I have trod. |
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| I kissed you in a stlye Clark Gable would've admired... |
[Mar. 23rd, 2004|05:12 pm] |
I've come to the conclusion that I'm emo-bobby. I guess it's all this postal service I've been listening to. But then again i've always been the sensitive guy, the emotional one. I'm a failed romantic when it comes down to it. I still have all these feelings inside me, but I got hurt a while ago and it's hard for me to let them out anymore. The rare occasions I do, I haven't gotten any type of response. I want someone to hold doors open for. Someone to buy flowers for. Someone to take walks with at night and lay in the grass and look at the stars and think about the universe and god and love and what it means to be alive. I know I'm not clingy bobby anymore. I remember back in high school when I was at Carrie's beck and call. I don't want someone to be around all the time. Not that that would be a problem... I guess I'm saying that I realize now that there is life outside a relationship, but the relationship is what you come back to for peace, for love, for repose. So that's what I want. I want someone who makes me feel alive, who makes me laugh. Who makes me feel like there is life in every word.
I don't feel comfortable around most people. And this has been reinforced over that last few days. I talked with Kristy in the lab the other night for a few hours and it was pleasant conversation, but I never felt like I was being me. Same thing with Ashley last night and then today with Dan and Nicole and Johnny and Patrick. There are very few people on this campus I am completely comfortable around. Not that I feel alone or anything. I just can't be completely myself. I feel somewhat restricted. I feel nervous and get self conscious.
There are only a handful of people on campus who I feel I am the real me around. Nick and Charlie are two of them and I'm very glad that our weird little group got together. I kinda wonder sometimes if these things are planned. I've been thinking a lot more about god recently. Just little things in my life seem planned. Like I'm not dead and it could have happened easily, twice in fact, if I hadn't changed plans at the last minute, which I don't usually do. And then the people I've met seem to fill such a purpose in my life and I've met them is the strangest ways and by accident(?). Nick and Charlie have introduced me to music I would never have listened to before that has touched me and made me dance too :)
The most interesting person I know at Berry is Sarah. She's another of the few I feel comfortable around. I've known her maybe 2 months now? But I've felt so happy since I've met her. I laugh so much and really appericiate every chance I get to see her or talk to her. I'm quite thankful to have met her.
I guess maybe I'm starting to grow up a bit and I'm thinking about god more. I guess maybe there is a plan? It seems like it. I think I want to go to church more and try to be a better christian.
wow... that's a lot to digest. sorry to anyone who reads this. i'm too sappy. |
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